5 Signs You’re Shrinking to Survive

...and what happens when you stop

You might not notice it at first.

Shrinking is quiet.
It’s not dramatic.
It doesn’t shout, “Hey! You’re losing yourself!”

It whispers things like:
“Better not speak up.”
“Just let them decide.”
“Don’t make it weird.”

It hides in politeness. In perfectionism. In exhaustion so deep, even rest doesn’t touch it.

I know because I lived there for years.
And if you’re reading this, maybe a part of you is living there too.

This isn’t about shame.
This is about seeing it.
Because once you do — you can choose something else.

What Shrinking Looks Like

Shrinking is what happens when we’ve been trained to make others feel comfortable at the expense of ourselves.

It looks like:

• Ignoring your own feelings to keep the peace

• Dressing to blend in rather than express

• Letting others speak for you, even when you’re burning to say something

• Coming home from a conversation and feeling like you betrayed yourself — again

In my life, it looked like people-pleasing on autopilot.
Reading everyone else's needs before they even spoke them — and rearranging myself to meet them.
Not because I wanted to.
Because it felt safer than even asking what I wanted.

My First Signs of Shrinking

I wasn’t allowed to cry at home growing up — so I learned to hide it.
Which meant I cried in other places. Places that weren’t safe either.
And I got bullied for it.

As a teen, I followed the crowd.
Did what everyone else was doing — not because I liked it, but because the idea of being wrong or weird felt unbearable. Even though I didn't fit in, I tried to.

By the time I was an adult, I had convinced myself I had no opinions.
I just… agreed.
With whatever friend or partner I was with.
I tolerated being dominated. I tolerated being invisible.

I tolerated not living my own life.

5 Signs You Might Be Shrinking

These are just a few of the patterns I now recognise in myself — and in the women I work with. Maybe you’ll recognise yourself too.

1. You Apologise for Everything

Not just mistakes — but for existing.
You say, “You decide,” or “I don’t mind,” even when you do mind.
You’re scared to get it wrong. So you don’t choose at all.

2. You Can’t Rest Around Other People

You only really relax when you're completely alone or far away from your usual environment.
Because being around others means being on. Hyper-aware. Ready to please or fix.

3. You Have No Boundaries

You say yes automatically.
You let people decide how much of you they get.
You tell yourself it’s easier this way — even though it’s killing your joy.

4. You Don’t Dream Anymore

You can’t even imagine what you’d want for yourself — because all your time, energy, and imagination goes into accommodating others.
You’re too tired to desire.

5. You Accept Relationships That Drain You

You stay in dynamics that feel off or heavy — because you think you’re unworthy of something better.
You assume this is just “how life is.”

What Shrinking Costs Us

The consequences of shrinking aren’t just emotional. They’re spiritual. Physical. Energetic.

For me, it meant:

• No energy

• No self-worth

• No trust in myself

When I started to notice these patterns, it hurt.
I felt grief. Bitterness. Anger.
And a deep, aching loneliness — because I realised… no one really knew me. Not even me.

But underneath that pain?
There was power.
Because now I had a choice.

What Happens When You Start Expanding

Little by little, I started coming home to myself.

I learned to feel again.
To name emotions out loud — even if it was weird at first.
To track what was happening in my body and not dismiss it.

I began saying no.
At first it was soft: “Let me get back to you.”
Even that felt terrifying. But I sat with it. And slowly, the panic eased.

Now?
I have boundaries.
I have standards.
I have trust in myself.

Because I stopped leaking my energy into performance, and started claiming it for myself.

If You’re Reading This and Recognising Yourself…

You’re not broken.
You’re not dramatic.
You’re not weak or "too sensitive".

You’ve been taught to survive through shrinking.
And you get to unlearn that.

You get to rise — if you want to.
Because your worth isn’t conditional.
It’s already yours.

You can challenge the way you’ve been treated.
You can reclaim your feelings, your opinions, your dreams.

And you can do it one soft rebellion at a time.

Wanna Take the First Step?

This month, I’m opening the doors to the Feel Good Rebel Academy — my membership for magical women and misfits who are ready to stop shrinking and start rising.

If you’ve been nodding along while reading this…
I’d love to give you a taste of what it feels like to come home to yourself again.

🖤 Join the waitlist here <— and get a sneak peek before anyone else.
Your energy is sacred. Let's stop leaking it, and start living it.

With rebel love, and power
💜 Parnuuna